The Art of Moving On

It's almost December and you're already feeling the cold Christmas breeze. But you got ditched or just came out from a dying relationship. So what? What's next? Is it the end of the world? Hey wake UP. It's just the beginning of a fun-filled life. Romeo/Juliet should now be up on their feet with head held up high. Aren't you glad that you still have the chance to meet that one special creature destined for you? It's time that you embrace the art of moving on.

• Accept that the game is over. People who came from a failed relationship are happy when they acknowledge and accept the fact that it's totally over and it was part of the past. 

• When you have accepted the truth, love yourself. The pain will still be there but remember that if you dwell too much on the past, you are hurting yourself. Let go of the bad memories pal. You should gradually learn to detach from those memories, be it good or bad ones.

• Hang out with friends. Let it out. Whatever it is that still bothers you, spit it out. Cry hard like there's no tomorrow. Friends are always there to listen. Eventually it'll make you feel better. You can talk it over few drinks. Indulge yourself with a girl's/boy's night out or a baking session with girl friends perhaps.

• Plan a trip. It would be better if you do it alone. In this way, you'll appreciate more the adventurous life of being single. Do the things that you have never done before. Who says being single is never fun? Nothing is more exciting than packing up and going on an adventure. Ignite the explorer in you.

• Keep in touch with your family and friends. Attend or initiate a family gathering. You'll be surprised to know that you haven't lost everything after that heartbreak. You still have an amazing support system and that is them.

• Try something new. Get a new look or enroll in a special class like cooking or a sport clinic. It's good for your health, mind and soul. Always let yourself be preoccupied with fun activities and tasks.

Allow yourself to experience all the fun of being single. It doesn't mean that if you're not in a relationship, you are unhappy. With what's been mentioned above, it would be easier for you to move on and keep moving forward. There's no turning back. It happened for you to learn and most of all for you to love yourself. Enjoy the perks of being single!

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Top 5 Reasons of Breaking Up That You Need To Know

We cannot deny that even in our own relationship many people will influence our decisions. Your parents, friends, and the people around you talk about your relationship. Whether you are happy or not, they surely have some comments. And several relationships will lead to break ups because people talks about them (not deserving to each other).

Below are the top 5 reasons why relationship may come to an end.

5. Parents don’t like him/her

You might already heard about the arranged marriage. Where your parents decide to whom you will be married to. This is no longer noticeable in today’s generation, but it still do exist. For example, you are already in a relationships but since your parents don’t want the girl/boy you love, they will decide to whom you will be married. Some of the pure Chinese parents would really prefer to marry their sons/daughters to the same nationality. I know that Love can be developed, but you are exchanging your True Love (Pure Love) for what? For money? Popularity?

Tendency with this kind of relationship they might not live a happy family, or in the middle of their relationship they will also break up. Many have regrets and some are just satisfied. If you are in the same situation, I just hope that you are happy and satisfied.

4. Friends don’t like him/her

I have a friend who meet a nice girl in a company. He tried to know more about of this girl first before courting her. So they had spent more time with each other during weekends and during their free hours. Then the boy court the girl and was accepted. The time when they already confirmed their relationship with each other, some of the boy’s friends were against to their relationship. The boy just know the girl for several weeks of dating and don’t have much background of her past relationships. The girl is nice and seems to be perfect for him, but because of his friends advices they broke up. His friend tell him about her past relationships and all the bad things about her.

So what? I mean if you really love the girl the way you know her, then you should protect her side. Do not let your relationship dictate by your friends words. If you also value your friends voice, then maybe it is better to ask the girl’s background or past relationship first before courting her.

3. You've been hurt – Physically or Emotionally

In a relationship it is normal that you will be hurt emotionally sometimes (not many times, and of course not every day), but not to the point you’ve been hurt physically. If you are still boyfriend/girlfriend and you’ve been hurting each other physically, how much more when you will be getting married right? When you live the same house, same faces every day and night. So same physical activities every weekend? (It’s like living the world of boxers where you are the punching bag). The longer your relationship, the more physically it would be. While you are still in early stage of your relationship, you should stay away right now if you are being treat this way.

2. You've been cheated

This will happened to both side, but mostly the boys are prawn to cheat because they have a reason. Top 1 reason “I’m just a boy/guy/man”. Do you think this is an acceptable reason? It’s never been okay to cheat, but it is better if it would happened while you are still boyfriend/girlfriend because you still have more time to think. A lot of times you will forgive, but it is really hard to forget.

What’s so sad is, this mostly happened to married people. When you are already married there is no longer an acceptable excuse if you cheat. Because you already swear in front of the Church where God is listening to your words. “Take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity”. Fidelity – your faithfulness and loyalty to your wife. A true man should not take back of his words.

1. You are no longer happy

This is the main cause of top 2 and 3 reasons of break ups. Man/Woman tend to cheat because they are no longer happy with their relationship. Man tend to physically hit her wife because he is not happy. (?) And all of this will lead to break ups and finding some else for happiness.

While some married couple will still stick together because of their responsibility. Others would still find some else, but continue to support their children. And worst is that you will leave behind without further notice that they've found some else. Any of these scenarios are not good for married couple. We can’t do anything about these but to pray for them, it is the reality of the relationship.

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Jealous. NO Way!

Old folks would say that jealousy keeps the relationship healthy. It is even labeled as the necessary protector of LOVE. You feel jealous because you love that person. Jealousy arises when there is a threat that someone will take away what is yours. But as we all know, too much of something is bad enough. Jealousy these days often leads to breakups and violence. Divorce and crime rates can attest to that. So when do you consider jealousy as a healthy one?

When you're in a relationship, jealousy assures your partner that someone is afraid to lose that magical bond between you and would even fight for it if the need arise. It's a kinda sweet when someone is afraid of losing you. But if it would result to hitting and other form of violence, well that is not oh so sweet anymore. Emotional instability- anger, depression, insecurity, are just some of the factors that triggers jealousy. So how are you going to avoid it?

Love yourself. There's no better way to minimize jealousy but to love yourself. If you feel happy with who you are and what you have, you'll never wish of becoming someone else. And when you think that way, you are securing yourself that you are the right partner for your loved one and that he/she wouldn't let go of you coz you're the best thing that happened to him/her.

Think before you act. When you see your partner exchanging interesting talk with somebody else whom you think has the potential to get in between you, don't butt in and explode. Think before you act for you can't turn back time. If you let your emotions overrule you, you'd end up either behind the bars or you two calling it's over. Assess the scene first and observe how your partner acts  with that person. If you see that he is flirting back, then talk it over privately and remind him the bond that you two have.

Learn the art of trusting. Once you learn to trust your partner, your helping yourself from any mental stress and your gearing toward a stronger relationship. If you always act like the desperate stalker just to catch your partner right on the act, of which is a result of your deliriously dirty mind, then you're really cultivating that jealousy in you. Your partner would appreciate if he feels that you trust him and would even do all his best to keep that trust unbreakable.

You are the best. Oh yes, show him that there's no one out there better than you. In this way, he'd never think of replacing you. Constantly show him that you'd be a great loss if he let you go.With this, you are negating any future tension that would arise due to jealousy because you're are secured with your bond and he wouldn't bother looking for someone else.

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"I Do" or "I Quit"

A family is the fundamental unit of society. However, in this new generation society is already facing the truth that there is a growing number of broken families year by year. There still might be a whole and intact family but a dysfunctional one.  It's actually  a challenge to parents or parents-to-be on how to keep that family as a whole in the long run. But if you're still on the pre-wedding phase of your relationship, would you say "I Do" or "I Quit" ?  When should you say that it's over?

Who doesn't want a complete and happy family? Everyone dreams of having one. We all want to come home to a family that nurtures happiness and togetherness. For parents, we never would wish for our children to live in an unhappy environment. That is why, even if its already time to let go, others would still choose to hold on just for the sake of the kids and fake it. They would think that it would be easier that way but then real emotions would really pour out no matter how hard you squeeze it in. In some cases, kids would then see their parents in the midst of a heavy argument or worst in a physical fight. The easy one actually becomes the hardest one not just for both of you but for your children.

    

So, if you're one of those love birds who are very eager to walk down the aisle, perhaps you should try revisiting these questions to assess if your future married life would result into a happy family. If you have doubts, then it could be the right time to say I quit than I do.

> Does he/she have time for your family? What about a "you and me" time?

> Does he/she go out alone secretly?
> Does he/she spends more time with other people than you?

> Do you always end up in a heavy argument?

> Are you physically hurting each other?

> Do you bad mouth each other?

>  Is there still trust in your relationship?

>  Do you still feel that fire and excitement when you make love with each other?

> Do you see yourself with someone else?

> Do you still feel happiness when you're together?

> Do you still enjoy small talks with your partner?

> Do you have other goals in life without your partner in the picture?

> Can you withstand the pain if you both take separate ways?
> Is there still an effort to make the relationship grow?
> Have you grown as an individual while in the relationship?
> Are you fully ready to take on the challenge of a married life?

This is not to scare you away but to help you assess your relationship. There's not even a perfect marriage but if you both exert extra effort then you're doing the right thing. Marriage is a constant work indeed. Many have failed it but there's still some who's nailing it well. Therefore, it's not impossible to achieve a happy and healthy family life.

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Why Wedding Ring Worn on the Fourth Finger

When you get married you will be attending a seminar with your partner so that you will have background on what you are going through. In the seminar, they will also tell you why you should wear the wedding ring on the fourth finger. You might be thinking, of course it should be placed on the fourth finger that’s why it is called ring finger. But before they named the fourth finger as ring finger, our ancestors used to believe that there is a vein ran directly from your fourth finger to your heart. As we all know today that all veins are connected to your heart. So it does not really make sense, but it is now become our tradition to wear the ring on that finger.

Another question is, should it on the right hand or left hand? In Western culture they used to wear it on left because our heart is on the left side and they considered the left hand to be the closest to the heart. It will now depends on your culture or tradition whether you wear it on your left hand or right hand.

In German, they used to wear it on the left hand if they are still engage and move it to the right when they get married. Here in Philippines we are advised to wear the wedding ring on the right hand.

There is another reason though why the wedding ring should be placed on the 4th finger. Let’s try to demonstrate and do the same thing with your hand on the picture below.

These are the equivalents of your fingers:

Left Hand

Thumb – is your Parents.
Inner/Point Finger – is your Friends.
Little Finger – is your Siblings.
Ring Finger – is your Partner (Wife/Husband).

All your right hand fingers is YOU and your connections with them.

Try to separate your thumb fingers (your Parents). By the time you will grow up and have your own family you will be separated with your parents.

Separate your inner/point finger (your Friends). Your friends will always be there for you, but you can always be separated when you have your own priorities.

Then, separate your little finger (your Siblings or Sons and Daughters). Just like what you did, by the time they will grow up and have their own family, they will be separated from you.

Now, separate your ring finger (your Partner or Wife/Husband). Yes, you cannot separate your partner with you. In times of troubles and difficulties the first who will approach you is your Partner. And you will never be separated forever if the root is still live in you. And that root is LOVE.

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What’s the Difference Between Love and Care?

Many people misinterpret between these two words (Love and Care) and sometimes it causes serious problems. I admit that this is somewhat very confusing and it is very hard to explain, but I will try to describe things in a way that you will understand.

Usually, people perceive that LOVE and CARE will always go together. Thinking that when you love someone you are expected to take good care of them for the rest of your life. Taking care of them in such a way they feel like a princess or a queen. Yes, you are showing them how much you love them, but you did not realize what will they do when you are no longer on their side. Though it does not mean that if do this way you have the wrong way. You just want to feel them your love. The only problem with this is you are not letting them learn to stand up on their own and letting them depend on you. If you will think ahead, it will be more difficult for them when you are gone.

You can still love a person but not showing them you have care. Well, this is kind a hard for you if you think that love and care will always go together. For me loving someone is not giving all they want, but rather letting them stand up on their own feet. I know that she might feel or think that I left her, but what she never know is that I chose to walk behind her so that I could catch her every time she fall. I want her to experience even the worst case scenario that might happen for her to learn and stand up on her own feet. In this case, I will be more confident that she can stand up all by herself when I am no longer on her back.

But of course, do not spend all of your time with this not showing them how much you love them. They might get too far from you and regret everything in the end. You should have a specific time to let them know and show them your love. You will just know it when the right time comes.

LOVE always be bundled with CARE, but you cannot bundle CARE with LOVE. Sounds confusing right? It means that when you love someone, you should take good care of him/her. It is really up to you in what way you will show your love. But you can never bundle care with love because care is a responsibility. You can take care of a person without loving them because it is your responsibility (duty) to take good care of them. In other way, when you love someone it is your responsibility to take care of them because you want them to grow up successful.

Some people are naturally caring and many did misinterpret it. This can also cause problems in a relationship when you are not used to it. I know you already have a good idea about this, so I am leaving this to the next topic to be discussed soon.

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Do You Believe in Love at First Sight?

Love at first sight doesn’t really exists. You can’t really tell that you love the person in just a glimpse of an eye (for a few seconds). What you feel is not love, but rather you are only attracted (captivated, mesmerized or in elementary term crush) to that person. You just can’t love a person without knowing who she/he really is. Always remember that looks can be deceiving, what you can see on his/her appearance might be opposite from the inside (though it does not apply to all).

Some people still believe in love at first sight through their experiences. The first they saw their partner they already believe that she/he is the one (meant to be?) and happy together for a long time. Yes, we cannot deny your experienced. But the fact you are together for a long period of time you develop love to each other. And this will not happen in just a few seconds (what you call love at first sight). You just don’t have an idea the true meaning of love and how it can move mountains. If you love someone you are willing to sacrifice anything, even your own life (it does not mean you are willing commit suicide or willing to kill for love, that's a different story). Willing to risk everything in any circumstances that might happen. Can you do this when you just saw the person? Definitely not.

It really takes time before you can confirm that you really love a person. That’s the truth.

And if you are seeking for love, then you need to love yourself first. Because you can’t share your love with someone else if you don’t have it. Love yourself, share your love and they will also share their love back to you.

Quote for today: Looks can be deceiving.

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When SHE Talks, HE Should Listen

A woman is a complex being. Men find them hard to understand at some point. But when you finally get to know her, you'll appreciate her even her worst side. This is why women are often misunderstood especially if the conversation leads into argument. Correct me if I'm wrong, but men would see them as a transformed wild men-eating mammal when its on the shouting and nagging phase of argument. Yes, it could be that women has that sort of ability to transform when at the heat of the conversation. So what should men do?Listen. Just listen.

Breakups happened when men don't know the art of listening to their women. They may sound like a broken record (and sometimes tend to play the motherly part in a relationship) but men should understand that it is their way of expressing their inner frustration. Women are expressive by nature unlike men. They tend to voice out what they feel even the slightest one like how a cute little puppy made her day or how that funny smell in the backyard ruined her day. That is why they are at there best if they had constant meet ups and chit chats with their girl friends. Talking with friends, family and partners is a feel good thing for them. Men on the other hand prefers to keep their frustration and other not so good emotions on their own. So if you've noticed that she is already raising her voice, don't panic. Just listen and of course understand what she's trying to point out. If you talk and shout simultaneously with her, she would definitely take it a notch higher just for her to be in control of the argument. And worst, you two could end up hurting each other.

           
Let her air it out. You'll know when she's done if she'd slow down or ask you if you're listening. Then answer her that you've listened carefully to her points and it's your time then to talk and be heard. With this, both of you can listen with each other's side of the story and analyze if what went wrong and how would you rectify it. It doesn't take a genius to know this. But it helps to remind yourself that the woman in front of you is not a talking beast but a lovely creature to be loved, respected and cared.

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Arguing in Text Will Ruin Your Relationship

We cannot contradict the usefulness of Mobile phones today. It’s making the world a smaller place by instant messaging, easy communication in other words. But did you know that more break-ups in a relationship happened in text messaging? Yes, this is actually true and I have no doubt about it. So why is that? Let’s take for example you have a misunderstanding with your friend, girlfriend, boyfriend or whoever that person is. If you and your friend (GF, BF, etc.) are arguing with each in text, all you will feel is anger and only thinks that you are right. The bad thing is, you will no longer understands the words you read from her/him because of anger and pride. And another problem is what you have said are all documented in your texts (no taking back of words).

While using your phone you can text whatever you want. You are simply expressing all your anger through text without even thinking how will it affect to the receiver. In worst cases, break-ups, end of relationships or friends become enemies. Believe me, if you value your relationship with that person then you should stop arguing in text but rather meet him/her in person to settle down. If the fire keeps on burning within both of you, then all you will have left is dust in the end.

How to prevent this from happening? If you think that your conversation is getting bad. That’s the signal to ask him/her to meet up to talk about this. If you are the receiver, try to lessen your pride or understand the sitauation. That’s if you still want to settle your relationship with him/her. Give time to think and analyze the cause. But do you know what’s the problem when you start arguing? Backtracking History. All that did happen (your sins) before will definitely refresh. Try to avoid this as you had already move on with your past. 

Your problem today may not be related to what did happen in the past, so refrain talking back of your past problem. If one of you will speak, the other one should listen. Start your conversation by saying “I’m sorry” whoever thinks his/her fault. Saying these words will let your partner feel comfort (freedom of pain, ease of grief) and will be ready to listen to your words. Speak with all your heart, just be true to yourself and speak with truthfulness .

I am hoping that you will end your conversation with a smile. Never let your anger or pride ruin your relationship.

Quote for today: Never reply when you are angry.

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